Worst memory?
Being called murderer after confessing to someone about suicide attempt.
and refusing to attend a murderer’s funeral.
Sitting there crying while re-reading the text trying to figure out if I misread it.
Yeah.
We all fight our pain silently.
My summer/2012 reading list
If anyone does take a look at this, please warn me if the book is bad.
I usually read reviews, BUT HATE THE SPOILERS. MY GOD. So far, the two books I’ve read weren’t my liking. =[
- The Emperor of all Maladies: A biography of cancer - Siddhartha Mukheriee
- Snow by Orhan Pamuk
- Frankenstein -Mary Shelley
- Dracula -Bram Stroker
- Dr Jekyll and Mr Lyde -Robery Stevenson
- Galileo’s daughter -Dava Sobel
- Living History- Hillary Clinton.
- Kite Runner -Khaled Hosseini
- A Thousand Splendid Sins -Khaled Hosseini
- Federation -Judith and Garfied Reeve Steven (Star Trek book)
- Three cups of tea
- Stones into Schools
- The Great Gatsby(This is always on my reading list; favorite book <3)- Fitzgerald
- Tender is the Night - Fitzgerald
- The Origin of Species -Charles Darwin.
- The Lovely Bones (Almost finished, but forcing myself to finish it)
- Pride and Prejudice -Jane Austen
- Sense and sensibility -Austen
- Emma- Austen
- Persuasion - Austen
- Mansfield Park- Austen
- Lady Susan- Austen
- Northanger Abbey- Austen
- Signs of Four - Doyle.
- The Hound of Baskervilles - Doyle
- Adventures of Sherlock Holmes -Doyle.
- Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes- Doyle.
An Unquiet Mind(Not very good; finished it two weeks ago)
The minute you figure out that you look forward for Friday not for the weekend, but to get a free book on your nook, you have officially lost it.
Be gone!
Very awkward day.
A close friend of mine(one of few friends) and I were suppose to spend the entire day together just hanging out since we have finally had time for ourselves after spring ‘12 ended.
She told me how her boyfriend was coming along for hookah and also his friend would.
Boy was it AWKWARD.
I think it was all my fault, but honestly, I fucking fucking hate being the 3rd wheel for every fucking shit.
His friend was nice, but sort of flirting with me which set me back.
I’m not even sure what he was doing, I just didn’t care.
I was set back and didn’t want to make any conversation with him and I think he took the hint.
The whole situation frustrated me and being sexually frustrated since I’ve been on this God damn pills have pissed me off more.
I am very reserved and I try avoiding awkward situations, which I wished I got out before making it worse.
Seriously, I have no interest for anyone at the moment and I really don’t care.
Can’t hang out with couples.
Happens to me EVERY FUCKING TIME.
Ugh.
There are just those little moments that remind you of your bad past that can kill your good mood.
Hard time will pass.
The story of a bipolar bear.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be without a mental illness.
Probably, I would be graduating tomorrow.
Probably, I would have gotten into medical school or some other top-notch program.
Probably, I would have a boyfriend.
The “what if” thoughts kill me.
They kill me inside and out.
And I’ve eventually accepted that there is no what ifs in life.
There is a certainty in life and somehow every path we make, we learn something.
Even if we don’t understand it at the moment, we do pick up on it a few days later or even years and realize wow, never would have changed my perspective on it.
I would do anything to get rid of this illness, but at the end of the day, I don’t have a choice but to live with it.
I’ve chosen to make the bad into good.
Somehow, I’m managing to make my past and my “what if” thoughts into rational thoughts that can help me today.
Help me at this moment.
We all have regrets, but I don’t want to make another regret.
I don’t want to regret anything else in my life.
Not now and not anymore.
So I did some housework today to help my mom out and I ended up spraining my back.
THIS IS A SIGN THAT I LACK THE DESI(BROWN) GENE OF DOING HOUSEWORK.
Since school been over(last week), I’ve read 3 novels, and I almost finished one of my candles which LAST FOR MORE THAN 40 HOURS and I text a friend till 5 am.
Great break!
It consist of me being home all day with a book and candle.
LOL.
I really need a summer job.
I’m starting to train myself to stay focus and get minimum amount of sleep.
I sleep way too much and I barely get work done.
I know, I know, not a good idea, but there are some sacrifies I need to make to get into medical school.
I will work my ass off to get there, no matter what.
I get extremely unmotivated at times to work towards my goal.
The amount of times I just want to give up because I feel whatever I do will become pointless.
The motivation is always there, but I somehow find a way to bring it down.
A way to bring it down enough that I somehow brainwash myself into thinking I will fail.
At the end of the day, I am nor a failure or winner.
The progress to the finishing line will take a lot time and I will hopefully make it.
I just need to keep in mind that my opportunities in life are rare and I need to make the best out of them.
I need to use the resources I have and make them work.
Not everyone has a recovery story with bipolar disorder, and the more I move, the more I will hopefully make someone else’s recovery story as hopeful as mine has become.
I can’t see another person die with this illness.
Officially worn out my feet.
I don’t think I can ever walk long-distance again.
