Our pain is swept away once the chair is lifted from our feet.
Comfort becomes loneliness.
Sleep becomes the nightmare.
Smiling becomes the secret.
Pain becomes suicide.
I sit myself around a pile of books looking for a hidden map.
A map that will guide me out of this dark world.
Imponderable.
My world surrounding me is real, but my existence is just a thin mark.
I’m off to see the Wizard of OZ.
The little magical wizard that lives in my head.
The little guy that will never solve my problems, because he doesn’t have an answer to them.
The little magician which has some great tricks up its sleeves, only to unveil that he is far from powerful.
I made a post a long time ago about the word hope and believe.
I’m the person who looks up meaning of common words that everyone knows and tries to understand the deeper meaning of the word besides the common meaning we all know of.
Hope is defined as “feeling of expectations”
Believe is defined as accepting that the event will occur. Confident that it will come true.
“I hope I get better”
“I believe I will get better”
Two different statements, two different meanings.
You shouldn’t hope things get better, you should believe they will.
Don’t fall for expectations.
Don’t expect things will get better.
What if your expectations don’t measure up?
Start having full trust in your goal.
Have full faith in your dreams.
Don’t hope.
Believe.
04.09.12
It’s been around 2 years since I have been diagnosed with a mental illness(clinical depression)
The further I move, the more I realize the real horrors of being mentally ill.
The days when you feel as if you were never sick in the first place.
The days when you know that you’ll be like this forever.
How well one feels, the disease nevers leave.
The more I see myself progress through this illness, the more I pretend this illness doesn’t exist.
Last Thursday when I came home crying after taking my Physic’s exam, I continued bullying myself about what happened a few hours ago. Eventually, I yelled at my mom that I wasn’t sick in the first place.
I was never ill.
She told me I was.
It took me a while to get back to reality and see what I was doing for the past few months.
I was doing so well on my medication, I was pretending I never had an illness.
I overlooked at my condition and didn’t realize how bad my stress-level was getting.
How well I come off as a person who isn’t sick, I will be sick.
I will always be sick and I need to remember that.
I need to remember that this illness won’t leave and I need to keep that in account.
I need to keep in mind that I will never be normal and need to stop telling myself that this illness has left.
It never did.
It never will.
sincerely,
bipolarbear
My life.
Spiral.
Roller coaster.
Dead end.
Melting clock.
Illusion.
Endless stairs.
Empty doorway.
My life.
